Ashley Chanel

Tumblin’ Again.

well i thought i would be. but when i started writing i spilled out too many secrets. so i decided to hide them in my computer and not on a public forum.

prove it!

i’ve always been the type of girl who’s been down to prove to whatever guy i’m interested in that he’s worth the risk of putting myself out there. that he’s worth any risk. and i’ve always done so so blindly and willingly, without any regard to consequences, and i’ve faced many consequences due to this. 

why is it that i can’t get a guy to take a chance on me, and prove i’m worth the risk of the unknown. why can’t a guy make me feel like he’s willing to be vulnerable and put himself out there not knowing what might come of it. 

ugh. done ranting.

reality

i want to feel like this:

but i really feel like this:

wtf is wrong with me!?

i’m not sure what i’m doing.

playing with fire with married man.

hanging with another guy who i’m not even sure if he likes me or is just lonely.

completely blowing off a guy who was clearly into me and might even be a good guy for me.

reminiscing and wishfully thinking about the ginger.

and about to wallow right back into the hole i thought i was coming out of. 

masochistic in more ways than i realized. 

we all have secrets…

K: Yeah. About that. You’re my secret.

A: I like that.

K: My secret has always been a thing.

K: You’re a person. You…

K: You’re better than an idea.

heycopilot asked: Where have you been? You still on facebook?

Yeah I’m still on facebook :)

My movie recommendation list, which I will continually update from now until eternity (or until I get sick of doing it).

*they’re in no order, unless you count mind as having some order… it doesn’t i promise*

1. Fargo
2. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
3. Being John Malkovich
4. Amelie
5. Love Me If You Dare
6. St. Elmo’s Fire
7. Choke
8. The Big Lebowski
9. Winter’s Bone
10. Imitation of Life
11. Bonnie and Clyde
12. Beautiful Girls
13. Brick 
14. 500 Days of Summer
15. The Amateurs
16. There Will Be Blood
17. Thelma and Louise
18. Falling Sky
19. Down In the Valley
20. 127 Hours
21. The Private Lives of Pippa Lee
22. Funny Games
23. Murder By Numbers
24. Se7en
25. Pay It Forward 
26. No Country For Old Men
27. Pan’s Labyrinth
28. Mary and Max
29. The Virgin Suicides
30. Catch Me If You Can 
31. The Beach
32. Little Miss Sunshine
33. Trainspotting
34. Coming To America
35. Requiem For a Dream
36. The Fountain
37. Spun
38. The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
39. Lars and the Real Girl 
40. Blue Valentine
41. Candy
42. Monster’s Ball 
43. Sling Blade 
44. A Perfect Murder
45. Reservoir Dogs
46. Casino
47. Pulp Fiction
48. Cool Hand Luke
49. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
50. It’s Kind of A Funny Story
51. Sin City
52. 12 Monkeys
53. Babel
54. American History X
55. Meet Joe Black 
56. The Talented Mr. Ripley
57. Running With Scissors
58. The Departed

i like him cause he never tried to impress me with words, or with wit, he’s not charming in a conventional way, he’s never obviously insecure or uncomfortable, he knows himself without knowing where he’s going or what he’s doing, he pulls on my heartstrings with his random knowledge and silly nonsense, his goofy smile and the way he would hold me and i felt like maybe i was just finding home for the first time. 

i know i’ll never let him go, but i’m feeling like holding on at the present moment is pointless, i know he’s not mine and home is overrated anyway.

and with this i’ve concluded we can be friends. 

i just want to forget you. 

i dwelled a bit. i gave up on dwelling. i forget. you reappear. you think we’ll be friends? i just can’t, i don’t need anymore friends. now i’m dwelling. 

let’s hope this doesn’t last long.

oh my freakin’ god. if i never see another post on here with a picture of someone pointing to a mustache, tattooed with a mustache, holding up an inanimate object with a mustache, or just plain friggin talking about mustaches again it will be too soon.

i love a nice mustache and all but my goodness people. give it a rest already. mustaches have been around since god knows when. can this stupid trend just be over already so i can stop seeing little girls walking around with mustaches drawn on to their fingers or grown men who can grow their own damn mustaches walking around with fake ones or having shirts and coffee mugs with these caterpillars drawn on them!